<?php
/**
 * <https://y.st./>
 * Copyright © 2018 Alex Yst <mailto:copyright@y.st>
 * 
 * This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify
 * it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
 * the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
 * (at your option) any later version.
 * 
 * This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
 * but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
 * MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the
 * GNU General Public License for more details.
 * 
 * You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
 * along with this program. If not, see <https://www.gnu.org./licenses/>.
**/

$xhtml = array(
	'<{title}>' => 'Dear Diary',
	'<{subtitle}>' => 'Written in <span title="World Literature">ENGL 1405</span> by <a href="https://y.st./">Alex Yst</a>, finalised on 2018-07-04',
	'<{copyright year}>' => '2018',
	'takedown' => '2017-11-01',
	'<{body}>' => <<<END
<p>
	Dear Diary,
</p>
<p>
	I woke up to the man with an umbrella again, gently hitting me over and over.
	He&apos;s not what woke me up, mind you.
	He hits me repeatedly all night as I sleep.
	I&apos;ve grown so accustomed to it that these days, I probably couldn&apos;t sleep without him.
	As per usual, I took my morning bath.
	I used to take showers, you know.
	But I can&apos;t do that any more with this man hitting me in the head with an umbrella.
	He won&apos;t let me keep the shower curtain closed, so the water ends up all over the floor.
	Baths take a bit longer, but they leave the bathroom in a dryer state.
	I&apos;ve even tried taking his umbrella away from him.
	It&apos;s not a difficult task; he&apos;s a bit on the feeble side.
	I can&apos;t get anything done while playing keep-away with the umbrella though.
	And if I lock the thing up, he always seems to find a way to get it back.
	Oddly, he&apos;s determined to use this umbrella, and when I try taking it away, he doesn&apos;t go for the one sitting in the entryway of my home - our home.
	I wonder now if I could have been rid of him if I&apos;d simply broken his umbrella, though maybe he&apos;d just continue striking me with one of the pieces.
	It&apos;s a bit late for that now though.
	I&apos;ve become accustomed to the blows and wouldn&apos;t want them to stop now.
</p>
<p>
	After drying off, I went to the kitchen to make breakfast, with him still whacking me on the head with his umbrella.
	There was a time when I would have offered him breakfast as well, but I&apos;ve given up.
	Any time I&apos;ve offered, he just ignores me and continues about his unending task.
	He never seems to eat, or even sleep.
	I often wonder how he continues on.
	What exactly is this man?
	I have to wonder not only how this man keeps up his task, but also how his personal items remain in working condition.
	The umbrella still doesn&apos;t show any sign of wear, even after years of hitting me with it.
	I guess he&apos;s never hit me very hard with it, but still.
	More interestingly, he never halts his task to buy new shoes or clothing.
	He&apos;s worn the same shoes for over five years now, and they haven&apos;t worn through yet.
	He never does any laundry either, and though I&apos;ve offered to wash his suit with my own clothing, he&apos;s ignored me.
	How does he look as clean as he did when we met after having never bathed or changed clothing for five years?
</p>
<p>
	It was a work day today, and I took the usual bus, all the while being hit on the head with an umbrella.
	Years ago, people used to stare at the two of us when we went out, but pretty much everybody has lost interest at this point.
	Every once in a while, we&apos;ll run across someone that hasn&apos;t seen us, and they seem to try figuring out why this man is hitting me.
	They stare for a bit, then giggle at us.
	But today, we went ignored like we usually do.
	My coworkers have likewise begun ignoring the man.
	They used to try to keep him out of employee-only areas, but to no avail.
	He always found a way to get back to me and resume his task.
	One of my collogues suggested one time that I get a helmet.
	It&apos;d only compound the problem though.
	The gentle thumping on my head doesn&apos;t hurt, and I&apos;d still likely feel it a bit as the helmet pressed down on my head under the umbrella.
	With the helmet, I&apos;d be dealing with an annoying and repetitious sound to go along with the tapping though.
</p>
<p>
	As I got in bed to write to you and get some sleep, the man continues to tirelessly strike me gently with his umbrella.
	I still sometimes fear he&apos;ll one day stop, and so I&apos;d toss and turn, unable to get any rest without his taps lulling me to sleep.
	He hasn&apos;t shown any signs that he&apos;ll depart any time soon, but how much longer does he plan to keep this up?
	Even if he stays with me for the next thirty years, he&apos;s well-aged and can&apos;t go on forever.
	At some point, I&apos;ll be forced to readjust to life without him, just as life was before we met.
</p>
END
);
